Chosen Family First: Redefining Family in LGBTQ+ Estate Planning

For many LGBTQ+ individuals, the idea of "family" extends beyond bloodlines and traditional structures. Chosen family—those close friends and loved ones who are not related by birth or marriage—often play a central role in support networks, celebrations, and caregiving. Yet, when it comes to estate planning, legal systems can still default to outdated definitions of family, potentially leaving out those who matter most.

So how do you ensure that the people who have been there for you—the ones who’ve supported you through thick and thin—are honored in your estate plan? This blog will guide you through the steps of integrating your chosen family into your estate planning, making sure that the people who are truly "family" are legally recognized when it counts the most.

Why Chosen Family Matters in Estate Planning

LGBTQ+ individuals have often faced rejection, estrangement, or lack of support from biological families. This is where chosen family steps in, providing love, care, and a sense of belonging. Whether it’s a longtime partner, a best friend, or members of your LGBTQ+ community, chosen family is just as valid as biological kin.

However, without explicit legal instructions, many state laws will automatically favor biological relatives when it comes to inheritance, healthcare decision-making, and funeral arrangements. If you don’t want your estate—or your healthcare decisions—to be left in the hands of estranged relatives, it’s essential to take proactive steps to protect your chosen family legally.

Key Steps to Including Your Chosen Family

1. Name Your Health Care Agent
   • In the absence of legal documents, many states will default to biological family members to make medical decisions if you become incapacitated. This means that a distant relative, rather than your partner or best friend, could have the final say in your care.
   • By naming a healthcare agent (or medical power of attorney), you ensure that the person you trust the most is making decisions on your behalf. You can appoint anyone—partner, friend, or chosen family member—as your agent.
2. Write a Comprehensive Will
   • Without a will, the state decides who gets your property and assets when you die, usually defaulting to biological family. To ensure your chosen family inherits what you want them to, you need a clear and detailed will. This will allow you to:some text
     • Leave specific items to individuals who matter most to you.
     • Name your chosen family as primary beneficiaries.
     • Appoint an executor from your chosen family to carry out your wishes.
3. Establish a Financial Power of Attorney
   • A financial power of attorney allows someone to handle your finances if you become unable to do so. Similar to your healthcare agent, this does not need to be a blood relative. It can be a trusted friend, partner, or anyone in your chosen family who understands your financial needs and can make informed decisions.
4. Consider a Trust for Long-Term Planning
   • If you're concerned about probate (the legal process of distributing assets) or if you have specific long-term wishes, setting up a trust might be the best option. A trust can bypass the complexities of probate, ensuring that your chosen family has quicker access to your assets, free from legal entanglements.
5. Funeral and Memorial Wishes
   • Many LGBTQ+ individuals have experienced situations where biological family members ignore their end-of-life wishes. You can prevent this by creating a legally binding funeral directive, where you appoint a “funeral agent” from your chosen family. This document ensures that your identity, values, and wishes are respected, from your gender expression to your memorial preferences.
6. Guardianship of Dependents and Pets
   • If you have children or pets, it’s essential to name guardianship for them in your will. Without legal guardianship documents, courts may place children or pets with biological relatives who may not align with your values or care preferences. Choose someone from your chosen family who will provide the care you envision.

Overcoming Common Challenges

• Legal Barriers: Some LGBTQ+ individuals may face legal barriers when including their chosen family in their estate plan, particularly in states with less progressive laws. It’s essential to work with an attorney familiar with LGBTQ+ estate planning to ensure your documents are valid and legally binding.
• Family Disputes: It’s not uncommon for biological family members to contest wills or healthcare decisions, especially if they don’t agree with your choices. A well-drafted will and thorough estate plan can mitigate this risk by clearly stating your wishes and intentions.

Conclusion

Your chosen family has supported and uplifted you throughout your life—don’t let outdated legal systems prevent them from being there for you in death. By making these essential legal arrangements, you’re not only protecting your assets and healthcare decisions but also ensuring that the people who truly matter to you will be there every step of the way.

Planning for the future can be daunting, but taking control of your estate plan will give you peace of mind, knowing that your chosen family is cared for and empowered to carry out your wishes. Take the time today to discuss your options with a trusted attorney, and begin creating an estate plan that truly reflects your life and values.

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